In the midst of quarrels,
shouts, anger and pain.
I chance upon knowledge
of my much broken act.
When the dying crave for life,
even a minute, a moment more.
Here i am trying,
to empty out everything i have.
That's not a desire to risk life,
but to leave life.
Someone mention about dreams,
not leaving them unfulfilled before you die.
Else it'll be so much
of a wasted life.
Saw that my dream jar was empty,
not even a crumb left.
Then to realize,
it's never been filled before.
Once long ago i heard of a chance
to go fight in a foreign land.
Delighted to go,
and wanted volunteer to be.
But now i see
what it had really meant to me.
It wasn't duty like i told myself
but a chance to have a bad throw at the die.
So at least i can end up
extinguished while doing something.
Taking a run,
towards my demise i am.
Don't think there's anyone who anticipates
the destination as much as i do.
Because i have
nothing to lose.
That's why i feel,
no fear of loss at all.
Maybe a bit,
the initial start.
Look closely,
there's nothing left to part.
No dreams, no possession,
not at all to call your own.
I am still making that run.
And reaching my hand
hoping to grasp something
inside my empty dream jar.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Dream.
Under the blanket i go,
into a secret place
where i hide away.
Grasping for breathe,
but mouth wouldn't open,
leaving my heart beating faster.
Light pours in
through clear glass panels,
near blinding my sight.
Familiar scenes,
replays itself in my head
but making no sense.
People seeking acceptance
from not of their own,
changing who they are to meet the goal.
Those of the odd
to become the rally flags
as the great gathering unfolds.
into a secret place
where i hide away.
Grasping for breathe,
but mouth wouldn't open,
leaving my heart beating faster.
Light pours in
through clear glass panels,
near blinding my sight.
Familiar scenes,
replays itself in my head
but making no sense.
People seeking acceptance
from not of their own,
changing who they are to meet the goal.
Those of the odd
to become the rally flags
as the great gathering unfolds.
Snake
They call it good luck,
I say its an omen.
It has carefully made it ways around the masses
Body slither through the little gaps between people
But it does not escape my eyes.
Went forward and roused it attention.
It turned,
hissing and starting towards my direction.
In seconds,
it became larger,
so large it could swallow me whole,
in just one shot.
As its mouth opened,
I attacked,
with the stick in my hand.
Trying to keep its jaws open
with the stick in a vertical stand.
Failure it was,
as I saw my stick being swallowed whole
but lucky it wasn't me.
A gaze was placed on me,
I am the focus,
and defenseless.
Took a leap forward
and grasp what i presume to be,
the neck.
Now safe from the vicious jaws
but found myself
a possible victim of it body
that can coil me up within
and deliver
a breathless death.
An indeed i met such a scene
nearly right out of my dream.
I say its an omen.
It has carefully made it ways around the masses
Body slither through the little gaps between people
But it does not escape my eyes.
Went forward and roused it attention.
It turned,
hissing and starting towards my direction.
In seconds,
it became larger,
so large it could swallow me whole,
in just one shot.
As its mouth opened,
I attacked,
with the stick in my hand.
Trying to keep its jaws open
with the stick in a vertical stand.
Failure it was,
as I saw my stick being swallowed whole
but lucky it wasn't me.
A gaze was placed on me,
I am the focus,
and defenseless.
Took a leap forward
and grasp what i presume to be,
the neck.
Now safe from the vicious jaws
but found myself
a possible victim of it body
that can coil me up within
and deliver
a breathless death.
An indeed i met such a scene
nearly right out of my dream.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Last Shade of Blue
It was sixty days before it began.
Now its six months before its gonna end.
Along the way i saw it shaped itself
and then revealing to me its meaning.
It is the arrival of change,
the rejection of change,
the welcoming of change.
It is the embracing of a new age,
the running to a comfort zone,
and the search for hope.
It is various people
facing a common issue
each with their own story to tell.
He has never set his sights on the world
all to him was imagination and feel
along with his trusty walking stick,
Now he will regain his sights
and lose the world
he thought he knew.
See the flaws,
experience the truth
only to discover the true beauty within.
Colors from his brushes
floods the canvas
and paints the scene of summer.
Left over from the last age
he feels like he is from a junk yard
seeking to fit into the new.
Taking a wince at what is here,
subjects being erased
leaving him nothing he knew of painting.
An unfinished painting for his love
that left him too early
and his life in ruin.
Undertake a journey
find another calling
fulfill your promises.
Origin in mystery and shadows,
a wanderer who lost her way
with feathers in her hat.
Lead by a vision
convinced by her dream
to take on the path beneath her steps.
Constantly looking forward
moving ahead in her quest
before the hourglass runs out of sand.
When sense has all ran out,
its all left to faith
to pull her through,
Beacon of light
piercing the shroud of doubt
reaching for the last shade of blue.
Now its six months before its gonna end.
Along the way i saw it shaped itself
and then revealing to me its meaning.
It is the arrival of change,
the rejection of change,
the welcoming of change.
It is the embracing of a new age,
the running to a comfort zone,
and the search for hope.
It is various people
facing a common issue
each with their own story to tell.
He has never set his sights on the world
all to him was imagination and feel
along with his trusty walking stick,
Now he will regain his sights
and lose the world
he thought he knew.
See the flaws,
experience the truth
only to discover the true beauty within.
Colors from his brushes
floods the canvas
and paints the scene of summer.
Left over from the last age
he feels like he is from a junk yard
seeking to fit into the new.
Taking a wince at what is here,
subjects being erased
leaving him nothing he knew of painting.
An unfinished painting for his love
that left him too early
and his life in ruin.
Undertake a journey
find another calling
fulfill your promises.
Origin in mystery and shadows,
a wanderer who lost her way
with feathers in her hat.
Lead by a vision
convinced by her dream
to take on the path beneath her steps.
Constantly looking forward
moving ahead in her quest
before the hourglass runs out of sand.
When sense has all ran out,
its all left to faith
to pull her through,
Beacon of light
piercing the shroud of doubt
reaching for the last shade of blue.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Beyond the Stilts of Glass
Was looking through some of my old writings,
this remains one of my favorite few.
Beyond the stilts of glass
And she stays in this little glass room, overlooking the world. A carefully structured piece of architecture that would even pales those of the greatest craftsmen ever known. So beautifully made that the idea it was a prison is disregarded.
In all those times she had been in there, it was a little haven that sheltered her from what would be the evils of the world that would otherwise taint her. While in there, she saw for herself, the world’s revolution in the manner none could tell but the world itself. People became her subjects for observation but all were like candles which fail to ever stand tall as time presses on and have the subject break down before her very eyes. Their light briefly shone for the short moment as they started sinking.
So many subjects, so many lifetimes, it was just getting boring. Safe as she was behind the panels of glass, she still envies those whom she studied despite having known what lies at the end of their road. Though their lifespan last no more seven decades after which they would be at the almost to be gone, during those moments, it is their light that helped to lit up those of others. Like a last moment of effort just before they will be extinguished.
This man was doomed to die, as though he was merely a flicking flame, struggling against the blowing wind. She watches him, expecting the end of another subject, one that would be ended prematurely. He struggles, and every single time it gets threatened into extinguishing, its radiance flares in response.
She watches and has her patience tested as she waits in seeing another end. The end was approaching but never arrived as the man struggles. For once, she wanted so much to extinguish that very flame by her own hands but only the glass panels stands between. Those would be enough to stop that thought from happening but it would occur to her that it is the other side of her wishing to see that flame shine amidst the challenges.
this remains one of my favorite few.
Beyond the stilts of glass
And she stays in this little glass room, overlooking the world. A carefully structured piece of architecture that would even pales those of the greatest craftsmen ever known. So beautifully made that the idea it was a prison is disregarded.
In all those times she had been in there, it was a little haven that sheltered her from what would be the evils of the world that would otherwise taint her. While in there, she saw for herself, the world’s revolution in the manner none could tell but the world itself. People became her subjects for observation but all were like candles which fail to ever stand tall as time presses on and have the subject break down before her very eyes. Their light briefly shone for the short moment as they started sinking.
So many subjects, so many lifetimes, it was just getting boring. Safe as she was behind the panels of glass, she still envies those whom she studied despite having known what lies at the end of their road. Though their lifespan last no more seven decades after which they would be at the almost to be gone, during those moments, it is their light that helped to lit up those of others. Like a last moment of effort just before they will be extinguished.
This man was doomed to die, as though he was merely a flicking flame, struggling against the blowing wind. She watches him, expecting the end of another subject, one that would be ended prematurely. He struggles, and every single time it gets threatened into extinguishing, its radiance flares in response.
She watches and has her patience tested as she waits in seeing another end. The end was approaching but never arrived as the man struggles. For once, she wanted so much to extinguish that very flame by her own hands but only the glass panels stands between. Those would be enough to stop that thought from happening but it would occur to her that it is the other side of her wishing to see that flame shine amidst the challenges.
Summary:|MA| a week |ZE|
The louder the clock begins to tick,
with each passing of the second.
Getting noisy like a vessel,
as it gets more emptied.
If we reap what we sow,
i wish it applies the same
for joy much less sorrow,
as i look to the harvest of tomorrow.
Lost for thoughts.
When i get to realized,
i have just forgot
what i intend to jot.
Why again does it happen?
To bear witness
to a team to be broken.
Indeed i am sadden.
Dilemma the word to describe
as i feel torn between choices
that makes me feel divide.
Through a maze it feels alike.
As i comment on the cake
to either keep or eat
i see myself facing the same fate
of wanting both of it.
Running back to comfort
staying away from the unknown.
with each passing of the second.
Getting noisy like a vessel,
as it gets more emptied.
If we reap what we sow,
i wish it applies the same
for joy much less sorrow,
as i look to the harvest of tomorrow.
Lost for thoughts.
When i get to realized,
i have just forgot
what i intend to jot.
Why again does it happen?
To bear witness
to a team to be broken.
Indeed i am sadden.
Dilemma the word to describe
as i feel torn between choices
that makes me feel divide.
Through a maze it feels alike.
As i comment on the cake
to either keep or eat
i see myself facing the same fate
of wanting both of it.
Running back to comfort
staying away from the unknown.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's Natural and/or Scene Outside this Window
The sun, the clouds, the rain, the sun is probably the only thing that comes around here so far. And thus, my writing has been very much been in tune with the topic about my life with them around me.
Like right now, the sky outside is especially gloomy, with lighting and thunder makes it presence, and a very strong one too. Just out on the distance, a lone tree stands, swayed by the very wind that is accompanying the storm's rampage and entry into this compound. Flashes of light blind me in milliseconds, now and then. The walls and window has prevent me from hearing anything on the outside while offering me a safe zone to see what is going on.
This is just one of those louder days.
Well... You can just imagine the serenity that lies in abundance on the more 'usual' days.
Tough to believe sometimes how a year have passed, right before our eyes as we worked ourselves towards the end of each day. This scene that is right before me has been before me for such a long time. Not that i am weary, i am still amazed that all of it that envelopes me still awes me like the first time.
Ok. Maybe now i'm hearing the raindrops doing tap dancing on the roof that covers this room. Ask me why i can be so fascinate by these simple scenes and probably i would account it to the reach of urbanization slowly creeping in. Hardly a place we can find that is left untouched. Everywhere you go, you'll see people and buildings; the giant footsteps we left in the wake of our path.
There is a certain sense of wonder and charm in nature. A simplicity that lays behind a web of complexity and mystery. Call me oxymoronic but i'll still say it.
Indeed this is nature, the beauty of it, i'll dare say, is undisputed.
Like right now, the sky outside is especially gloomy, with lighting and thunder makes it presence, and a very strong one too. Just out on the distance, a lone tree stands, swayed by the very wind that is accompanying the storm's rampage and entry into this compound. Flashes of light blind me in milliseconds, now and then. The walls and window has prevent me from hearing anything on the outside while offering me a safe zone to see what is going on.
This is just one of those louder days.
Well... You can just imagine the serenity that lies in abundance on the more 'usual' days.
Tough to believe sometimes how a year have passed, right before our eyes as we worked ourselves towards the end of each day. This scene that is right before me has been before me for such a long time. Not that i am weary, i am still amazed that all of it that envelopes me still awes me like the first time.
Ok. Maybe now i'm hearing the raindrops doing tap dancing on the roof that covers this room. Ask me why i can be so fascinate by these simple scenes and probably i would account it to the reach of urbanization slowly creeping in. Hardly a place we can find that is left untouched. Everywhere you go, you'll see people and buildings; the giant footsteps we left in the wake of our path.
There is a certain sense of wonder and charm in nature. A simplicity that lays behind a web of complexity and mystery. Call me oxymoronic but i'll still say it.
Indeed this is nature, the beauty of it, i'll dare say, is undisputed.
12 November, 6:30am
Flare.Light.Shining.Distance.
Breeze.Cold.Whistle.East.
Sky.Dark.Shades.Grey.
Silhouette.Clouds.Floating.Gloomy.
Sparkle.Plane.Flight.Disappear.
Fire.Burning.Constant.Ember.
Morning.Serene.Peaceful.Gentle.
Road.Long.Empty.Lonely.
Seems like i've been writing a lot about mornings.
Especially when i'm in camp.
Due to my early schedule of waking at 5:30am daily perhaps.
Something worth a look and brings a great feeling to the day.
Me.You.Us.Them.
Breeze.Cold.Whistle.East.
Sky.Dark.Shades.Grey.
Silhouette.Clouds.Floating.Gloomy.
Sparkle.Plane.Flight.Disappear.
Fire.Burning.Constant.Ember.
Morning.Serene.Peaceful.Gentle.
Road.Long.Empty.Lonely.
Seems like i've been writing a lot about mornings.
Especially when i'm in camp.
Due to my early schedule of waking at 5:30am daily perhaps.
Something worth a look and brings a great feeling to the day.
Me.You.Us.Them.
Morning
Morning sight,
before day break.
A pattern formed,
across the sky.
Not to the horizon yet,
that is.
Wearing shades of blue
and various grey.
Into a collage,
gentle and calm.
Hiding behind is the rising sun,
inching its as the clock ticks by.
Ember skies are not far off,
with its crimson and golden glow.
before day break.
A pattern formed,
across the sky.
Not to the horizon yet,
that is.
Wearing shades of blue
and various grey.
Into a collage,
gentle and calm.
Hiding behind is the rising sun,
inching its as the clock ticks by.
Ember skies are not far off,
with its crimson and golden glow.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Distorted World and.. A Hero
From quite a while ago,
completed portions from here and there
with my muse a cat and mouse game.
When the world starts coming
all on you
at one shot..
It caught me breathless,
not a moment I could call
ease.
Things seem wrong
like a distorted world,
nothing making sense.
Sinking into despair,
trying hard
running to where the path ends.
Shoulders felt heavy
weighing my body down
with an unbearable sting.
Numbness beings to fill
my limbs and now reaching
for my head.
Am I giving up
or am i tasting
a sense of defeat?
Desperate times calls
for desperate measures.
But how does it measure this time?
To be a person strong
against overwhelming odds,
unwavering, unfaltering.
Look around,
have the world becoming
unlike any you've known before.
What you fight for becomes the past
as all that is familiar becomes
ashes and dust.
Do you lose meaning all at one go
or have it slipping from you
like a river's flow.
It tough to play the hero
when everyone is looking for one
much less talk about being your own.
We look so much to having others light our way.
Did we even realize that
we'll be our greatest guide one day.
This torn world inside cries out loud
calls for some faith
and a hero for help.
Lost the actual feeling
that got me started
tracing it back to complete it all.
completed portions from here and there
with my muse a cat and mouse game.
When the world starts coming
all on you
at one shot..
It caught me breathless,
not a moment I could call
ease.
Things seem wrong
like a distorted world,
nothing making sense.
Sinking into despair,
trying hard
running to where the path ends.
Shoulders felt heavy
weighing my body down
with an unbearable sting.
Numbness beings to fill
my limbs and now reaching
for my head.
Am I giving up
or am i tasting
a sense of defeat?
Desperate times calls
for desperate measures.
But how does it measure this time?
To be a person strong
against overwhelming odds,
unwavering, unfaltering.
Look around,
have the world becoming
unlike any you've known before.
What you fight for becomes the past
as all that is familiar becomes
ashes and dust.
Do you lose meaning all at one go
or have it slipping from you
like a river's flow.
It tough to play the hero
when everyone is looking for one
much less talk about being your own.
We look so much to having others light our way.
Did we even realize that
we'll be our greatest guide one day.
This torn world inside cries out loud
calls for some faith
and a hero for help.
Lost the actual feeling
that got me started
tracing it back to complete it all.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dreams: Closer
I've been dreaming of strange things.
Thing that would have been seen as normal,
but presented in a manner of usual fashion.
Receiving a note from an overseas friend,
a note of his death and with it,
are words he would have said.
A collection of thoughts and regards
to his friends which he would have wished
to say in person himself.
Never been listed as one
who would give much concern about others,
this time what he left were
heartfelt comments for his friends,
those who are close but far away.
Honestly could it be that
i've lost a few friends this year
that made me wonder whether
death is coming near.
And that its upon facing death
that people would really speak their mind.
Another dream that appeared
brought me to the space beneath my bed.
Amidst the dust i found
a pair of torn socks even i forgot.
A message i saw within,
about the past and where i have been.
Where i lost a certain part of me,
trapped in lost time and uncertainty,
waiting for me to find it again,
that i knew as another broken me.
What i am searching for could be just near,
needless of me to seek high and low.
Or is it about my losing sight,
of what seems to be the obvious?
Along was something far from a dream,
a bit of magic i felt tingling
reminding, rekindling the feeling
that have been lost unknowingly.
At an instance i understood what it all meant,
the search i was on without a single trace.
A hunt without any idea
what is the prey.
All i know is that it would fill a gap,
that lies in my heart,
making me feel hollow-ed out.
Looking for satisfaction is half the story.
In fact it is about acquiring this sensation
with a team i can count on,
and then moving on
to beyond anything we know of.
But being so warded against new faces,
too defensive for my own good in fact.
That any hope of having anyone closer
seem like impossible.
Even if its not about companions,
i still need a shoulder,
a person who would stand through tough times
alongside with me.
Provided i can get through
the knot that is in me.
A series of reminders.
Now i think i'm more connected with the world than i knew i was,
in a way perhaps.
Or a sign that i'm opening up to myself.
Thing that would have been seen as normal,
but presented in a manner of usual fashion.
Receiving a note from an overseas friend,
a note of his death and with it,
are words he would have said.
A collection of thoughts and regards
to his friends which he would have wished
to say in person himself.
Never been listed as one
who would give much concern about others,
this time what he left were
heartfelt comments for his friends,
those who are close but far away.
Honestly could it be that
i've lost a few friends this year
that made me wonder whether
death is coming near.
And that its upon facing death
that people would really speak their mind.
Another dream that appeared
brought me to the space beneath my bed.
Amidst the dust i found
a pair of torn socks even i forgot.
A message i saw within,
about the past and where i have been.
Where i lost a certain part of me,
trapped in lost time and uncertainty,
waiting for me to find it again,
that i knew as another broken me.
What i am searching for could be just near,
needless of me to seek high and low.
Or is it about my losing sight,
of what seems to be the obvious?
Along was something far from a dream,
a bit of magic i felt tingling
reminding, rekindling the feeling
that have been lost unknowingly.
At an instance i understood what it all meant,
the search i was on without a single trace.
A hunt without any idea
what is the prey.
All i know is that it would fill a gap,
that lies in my heart,
making me feel hollow-ed out.
Looking for satisfaction is half the story.
In fact it is about acquiring this sensation
with a team i can count on,
and then moving on
to beyond anything we know of.
But being so warded against new faces,
too defensive for my own good in fact.
That any hope of having anyone closer
seem like impossible.
Even if its not about companions,
i still need a shoulder,
a person who would stand through tough times
alongside with me.
Provided i can get through
the knot that is in me.
A series of reminders.
Now i think i'm more connected with the world than i knew i was,
in a way perhaps.
Or a sign that i'm opening up to myself.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
A Flood in My Head
i believe this entry is the result of two days of conversation.
And with a bit of influence from what i've been reading.
Been on the road for so long,
walking alone i am,
with people whom i can side along.
Friends that i call,
despite the gap that lies between,
they are support upon which i can fall.
Shall it be this time round,
seeking a companion in my journey,
the one who is yet to be found.
She ain't far, she is near,
am i to deny the prescence
that stands right before me so clear?
Tapping is my finger,
awaiting a sign to come knocking
before i decide to pull the trigger.
Choices run through my mind,
calculating risks and stakes involve,
am i to answer with a sigh?
There are losses and of cos gain
we try too hard to think too much
to avoid unnecessary pain.
Fearing fail and give no try?
take a look at the birds
when they learn to fly.
Observe with your keen sight,
take a closer look
before doing what you think is right.
Read the moves, interpret its meaning
you can only hope for
to see what you are wishing.
When all is right,
and time is ripe
i'll strike.
And more to come, details i probably won't recall here, for now that is.
And conclude,
I know I'm not alone as I felt I was.
If anyone were to ask again whether i blog for people to see.
I'll say yes. And no.
I write to express myself,
my blog serves as a bridge,
to bring my thoughts for those who read.
Still awaiting for The Distorted World and A(Its) Hero.
And with a bit of influence from what i've been reading.
Been on the road for so long,
walking alone i am,
with people whom i can side along.
Friends that i call,
despite the gap that lies between,
they are support upon which i can fall.
Shall it be this time round,
seeking a companion in my journey,
the one who is yet to be found.
She ain't far, she is near,
am i to deny the prescence
that stands right before me so clear?
Tapping is my finger,
awaiting a sign to come knocking
before i decide to pull the trigger.
Choices run through my mind,
calculating risks and stakes involve,
am i to answer with a sigh?
There are losses and of cos gain
we try too hard to think too much
to avoid unnecessary pain.
Fearing fail and give no try?
take a look at the birds
when they learn to fly.
Observe with your keen sight,
take a closer look
before doing what you think is right.
Read the moves, interpret its meaning
you can only hope for
to see what you are wishing.
When all is right,
and time is ripe
i'll strike.
And more to come, details i probably won't recall here, for now that is.
And conclude,
I know I'm not alone as I felt I was.
If anyone were to ask again whether i blog for people to see.
I'll say yes. And no.
I write to express myself,
my blog serves as a bridge,
to bring my thoughts for those who read.
Still awaiting for The Distorted World and A(Its) Hero.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Me and the Morning
Quiet morning
chilled by wind and rain.
A room less than filled
with music flowing through.
Emotions within rhythms,
melody and voice put together.
Light and calming air,
soothes one's soul so much.
The bed so tempting
constantly calling me to join it in slumber.
Clouds had kept the morning sun hidden well
casting away rays of bright.
My phone lies a corner
as though losing all hint of life.
Pen kisses the paper
producing words of blue.
Whirlpools of thoughts in my head
from twirls in my stream of thoughts.
chilled by wind and rain.
A room less than filled
with music flowing through.
Emotions within rhythms,
melody and voice put together.
Light and calming air,
soothes one's soul so much.
The bed so tempting
constantly calling me to join it in slumber.
Clouds had kept the morning sun hidden well
casting away rays of bright.
My phone lies a corner
as though losing all hint of life.
Pen kisses the paper
producing words of blue.
Whirlpools of thoughts in my head
from twirls in my stream of thoughts.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Victim and the Accused
The accused pleading innocence,
the victim lying in cold blood.
A judge remains to be found,
to reckon justice upon the guilty.
Came a sudden thought of random,
challenging the chain of flow so far.
Even if the guilty shall be dealt conviction
what meaning to the victim does it bear?
the victim lying in cold blood.
A judge remains to be found,
to reckon justice upon the guilty.
Came a sudden thought of random,
challenging the chain of flow so far.
Even if the guilty shall be dealt conviction
what meaning to the victim does it bear?
Monday, October 13, 2008
Dreamlike
I am like a dream,
carrying and passing messages
but hiding them in forms
you do not understand,
leading you into a chase
just to reveal what i meant.
I am like a dream,
being what you want
and all the possibilities,
only to disappear
and leaving only a trace
of irretrievable memory.
I am like a dream,
however real it may seem,
it does not transit into reality
and lays beyond your touch,
a mere fragment of thought,
conjure by your deepest hopes.
carrying and passing messages
but hiding them in forms
you do not understand,
leading you into a chase
just to reveal what i meant.
I am like a dream,
being what you want
and all the possibilities,
only to disappear
and leaving only a trace
of irretrievable memory.
I am like a dream,
however real it may seem,
it does not transit into reality
and lays beyond your touch,
a mere fragment of thought,
conjure by your deepest hopes.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Meaning and Falling Down
The following would sound like a speech.
To be presented to who, i suggest its myself.
To be presented where, i suggest my head.
I didn't find what i lost,
but i did realised what it it.
It is meaning.
The meaning that ties so strongly to purpose.
The purpose that was the root of my belief and reason to why i fight.
The reason why i wake up every morning knowing i have to fight and work harder.
The fight is not just for the purpose,
its a fight against myself too.
The meaning which formed the basis and foundation now lies in rumbles like ruins of a destroyed building.
It is now tough to build on such ruined ground but i won't clear this ground of the ruins for the fear of losing the last traces of what used to stand here.
Now as I know, what has been gone is far from our reach and what remains becomes all the more precious and thus, we want to keep it, even if just a little.
So keeping it and attempt to build upon it becomes a fruitless one despite the knowledge at hand.
I trust that, only by tearing everything down fully then would there be a chance of seeing a complete structure again.
I believe, in order to pick yourself up, you have to fall down to do so, and fall completely.
I am wondering how to fall down completely.
Where i do,
I'm not going to just call it quits.
To be presented to who, i suggest its myself.
To be presented where, i suggest my head.
I didn't find what i lost,
but i did realised what it it.
It is meaning.
The meaning that ties so strongly to purpose.
The purpose that was the root of my belief and reason to why i fight.
The reason why i wake up every morning knowing i have to fight and work harder.
The fight is not just for the purpose,
its a fight against myself too.
The meaning which formed the basis and foundation now lies in rumbles like ruins of a destroyed building.
It is now tough to build on such ruined ground but i won't clear this ground of the ruins for the fear of losing the last traces of what used to stand here.
Now as I know, what has been gone is far from our reach and what remains becomes all the more precious and thus, we want to keep it, even if just a little.
So keeping it and attempt to build upon it becomes a fruitless one despite the knowledge at hand.
I trust that, only by tearing everything down fully then would there be a chance of seeing a complete structure again.
I believe, in order to pick yourself up, you have to fall down to do so, and fall completely.
I am wondering how to fall down completely.
Where i do,
I'm not going to just call it quits.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Best at my Worst
Woke up from a nap
my head is in a twirl.
Try to steady myself
as i resist lying back again.
Away from my thoughts
i hear the music blasting.
But my ears feel pressure
coming from the air so still.
Time akin to stopping
man on the moon i feel.
Seeking my way out
of this finely weaved webbing.
Looking for my chocolates
my happy food I call.
I'm not unhappy
not enough to be happy yet.
Sense of emotions getting wrecked
like a compass going crazy.
Felt a sense of defeat
masking over me.
If its a cloak on my back,
its truly dense to the thread.
A loss when nothing is fought,
what exactly the stake forfeited?
I guess i know but silent in words
for i wish not to aloud the unsaid.
Fear i see that is keeping me mute
apparently I'm facing my dreaded.
Amusing i felt as i observed
that I recover my lost muse.
In that instance of my worst
where i got to be my best again.
my head is in a twirl.
Try to steady myself
as i resist lying back again.
Away from my thoughts
i hear the music blasting.
But my ears feel pressure
coming from the air so still.
Time akin to stopping
man on the moon i feel.
Seeking my way out
of this finely weaved webbing.
Looking for my chocolates
my happy food I call.
I'm not unhappy
not enough to be happy yet.
Sense of emotions getting wrecked
like a compass going crazy.
Felt a sense of defeat
masking over me.
If its a cloak on my back,
its truly dense to the thread.
A loss when nothing is fought,
what exactly the stake forfeited?
I guess i know but silent in words
for i wish not to aloud the unsaid.
Fear i see that is keeping me mute
apparently I'm facing my dreaded.
Amusing i felt as i observed
that I recover my lost muse.
In that instance of my worst
where i got to be my best again.
Facing the Unwritten Written
Written laws
unwritten rules.
It all becomes empty verses
if there's no warrant.
Does power or authority
become the requisite,
in order for one
to tail the upkeep.
If odds are against you
how do you do
to maintain your stand
under overwhelming sense.
Give up and run away,
or fight till the end
only to find you're stuck
in a languish wrestle.
As when the written or said
deals you a path too tough
what makes you the person
to stick by way.
unwritten rules.
It all becomes empty verses
if there's no warrant.
Does power or authority
become the requisite,
in order for one
to tail the upkeep.
If odds are against you
how do you do
to maintain your stand
under overwhelming sense.
Give up and run away,
or fight till the end
only to find you're stuck
in a languish wrestle.
As when the written or said
deals you a path too tough
what makes you the person
to stick by way.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I'm Back
Awake but not awoken,
rise up on my own accord.
To seek a new goal
that now only exist
in my mind.
Back to basics but
not to square one.
I'm just tracing my steps
back to where
i started out from.
Lost i may be
but its just time
before i see
the road ahead
and the light that shines upon.
rise up on my own accord.
To seek a new goal
that now only exist
in my mind.
Back to basics but
not to square one.
I'm just tracing my steps
back to where
i started out from.
Lost i may be
but its just time
before i see
the road ahead
and the light that shines upon.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Goodbye
A mentor, a friend.
A senior, a guide.
To the road he is,
a light, so bright.
This is dedicated to you, Andrew.
There are somethings that about yourself that you might not know.
And one of that I'll say is,
You've made a difference in our lives.
P.S Thanks for your soccer shoes,
which got me started and all.
The last season was five years ago? Was it?
A senior, a guide.
To the road he is,
a light, so bright.
This is dedicated to you, Andrew.
There are somethings that about yourself that you might not know.
And one of that I'll say is,
You've made a difference in our lives.
P.S Thanks for your soccer shoes,
which got me started and all.
The last season was five years ago? Was it?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Philosophy
Along the way this far, referring to the past over one year in army, personal philosophy has been an important part of me, something that gets me going, stops me dropping and keeps me thinking.
When i just got enlisted, i believed that "Joy lies in enjoyment", that joy or happiness is for me to discover. Provided i can learn to enjoy it. Well, no one really enjoys being in the army anyway, so this became an attempt to do that.
It worked pretty well for me and i got past three months and then into command school. Things were pretty much different, the people, the environment and what you have to achieve. Achieve not in your own goals but rather about criteria to pass out. But this time my initial philosophy don't seem to be making so much sense anymore, so i went about looking for something new. I thought about "loving what you do vs doing what you love" as my next statement, which translates into the two manner to be happy. Its pretty much a sad fact that i can't choose what i am doing so practically i'm given only one option. If taking a closer look at things, both 'philosophy' so far talks about what to achieve but not about what drives you.
I went searching for a answer and it came to me after losing a few weekend mornings away in camp. As a physical test failure, i had to spend saturday mornings doing trainings, thus i started working very hard to get out of this situation. Then i realized that i started working so hard either because i was afraid of losing my weekend away or because i want to have the weekend morning as my own. I ended up sticking two statements on my cupboard. "Doing the work you love vs loving the work you do.", "Fear of loss or love for possession." Its a point to note that there is no better choice but rather what fits you better.
The next phrase i entered did not give much change but i believe that things still need moving on. Around that time i re-watched "Kingdom of Heaven" and the oath they took left a pretty deep impression on me. The portion about being a good man everyday. Consistent effort, its telling me. Back in my mind, i felt that consistency in effort only gets harder day by day. But still i told myself "Not to be a good man everyday, be a better man everyday"; always be seeking improvements.
When all that has pass me, the line of philosophy seems to have disappeared and now i'm down, feeling lost. And the cycle begins again to guide my way out. Its been an integral part of me that i have to admit displays very much of who i am, what i do, where i go and how to go on.
When i just got enlisted, i believed that "Joy lies in enjoyment", that joy or happiness is for me to discover. Provided i can learn to enjoy it. Well, no one really enjoys being in the army anyway, so this became an attempt to do that.
It worked pretty well for me and i got past three months and then into command school. Things were pretty much different, the people, the environment and what you have to achieve. Achieve not in your own goals but rather about criteria to pass out. But this time my initial philosophy don't seem to be making so much sense anymore, so i went about looking for something new. I thought about "loving what you do vs doing what you love" as my next statement, which translates into the two manner to be happy. Its pretty much a sad fact that i can't choose what i am doing so practically i'm given only one option. If taking a closer look at things, both 'philosophy' so far talks about what to achieve but not about what drives you.
I went searching for a answer and it came to me after losing a few weekend mornings away in camp. As a physical test failure, i had to spend saturday mornings doing trainings, thus i started working very hard to get out of this situation. Then i realized that i started working so hard either because i was afraid of losing my weekend away or because i want to have the weekend morning as my own. I ended up sticking two statements on my cupboard. "Doing the work you love vs loving the work you do.", "Fear of loss or love for possession." Its a point to note that there is no better choice but rather what fits you better.
The next phrase i entered did not give much change but i believe that things still need moving on. Around that time i re-watched "Kingdom of Heaven" and the oath they took left a pretty deep impression on me. The portion about being a good man everyday. Consistent effort, its telling me. Back in my mind, i felt that consistency in effort only gets harder day by day. But still i told myself "Not to be a good man everyday, be a better man everyday"; always be seeking improvements.
When all that has pass me, the line of philosophy seems to have disappeared and now i'm down, feeling lost. And the cycle begins again to guide my way out. Its been an integral part of me that i have to admit displays very much of who i am, what i do, where i go and how to go on.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Random Thoughts
I felt that i need to post again.
Meaning, I'm casting random thoughts again.
Fulfilling the purpose of this blog I am.
Now i feel like i don't really belong anywhere.
Perhaps it came from the random browsing across social sites and seeing people all around me being part of something bigger. They have part of them everywhere like they are someone who is bigger than life and have so much to spare or share around.
If i do put the statement in that manner where people around me are all in that manner, larger than life, then it could only mean that i'm the one who is smaller. Depressing. Haha.
There goes my first laughter in blogging history.
To console myself a little, i questioned myself whether i need to be active in social sites to be happier or to remind myself i actually have many friends around me. Apparently my answer came: I don't need the social site, because there's not much people i need to socialize with in that manner. It's been months since i even last said or typed a word to most of the people listed in my contact list.
Have i just become some kind of cold blooded creature?
No not yet. Because this site still exists. And its proof i still think and feel though i'm suggesting to myself that i lack empathy and concern for others.
And earlier today when i recalled about my post regarding being selfish. I've thought it through. It's more about lacking the genuine concern for every other thing. The inability to go forward and care about what is around you. So wonder did it start from internal first? Being unable to care about your own self even?
Well... Back to the social site issue, i remember seeing people having chatters, postings little notes across that cyber space of 'non-impossibilities', i do receive them sometimes, but i think its always less than the rest. But i have never ever post them back. I think that i've become a bit too serious sometimes, to feel that such things are in a manner, nonsensical. To be concern about the right stuffs, i see myself going towards the other way, to end up being concerned about what is not so important and leaving so much behind.
I see myself lacking security and the confidence. I hold the fear of being alone, because people will end up leaving me. I found it hard to put trust in just anyone, because i don't think i can trust myself sometimes. I dare not look at a pretty girl when we had eye contact, because i do not know how i'll be looked at and i do not know where i stand. I lack my security in what i do now and in the fear of being judged.
A phony i am.
When i say it does not matter how people look at me. Somehow it does.
When i say there's nothing to worry about. Somehow there is.
When i say anything is achievable, somehow it might not be so.
The posts over these few days has been much depressing items, and the paragraphs are far away from the verses usually presented. It's a circle of thoughts, proceeding from one form to another. Its merely me, trying to seeking out my truth.
Meaning, I'm casting random thoughts again.
Fulfilling the purpose of this blog I am.
Now i feel like i don't really belong anywhere.
Perhaps it came from the random browsing across social sites and seeing people all around me being part of something bigger. They have part of them everywhere like they are someone who is bigger than life and have so much to spare or share around.
If i do put the statement in that manner where people around me are all in that manner, larger than life, then it could only mean that i'm the one who is smaller. Depressing. Haha.
There goes my first laughter in blogging history.
To console myself a little, i questioned myself whether i need to be active in social sites to be happier or to remind myself i actually have many friends around me. Apparently my answer came: I don't need the social site, because there's not much people i need to socialize with in that manner. It's been months since i even last said or typed a word to most of the people listed in my contact list.
Have i just become some kind of cold blooded creature?
No not yet. Because this site still exists. And its proof i still think and feel though i'm suggesting to myself that i lack empathy and concern for others.
And earlier today when i recalled about my post regarding being selfish. I've thought it through. It's more about lacking the genuine concern for every other thing. The inability to go forward and care about what is around you. So wonder did it start from internal first? Being unable to care about your own self even?
Well... Back to the social site issue, i remember seeing people having chatters, postings little notes across that cyber space of 'non-impossibilities', i do receive them sometimes, but i think its always less than the rest. But i have never ever post them back. I think that i've become a bit too serious sometimes, to feel that such things are in a manner, nonsensical. To be concern about the right stuffs, i see myself going towards the other way, to end up being concerned about what is not so important and leaving so much behind.
I see myself lacking security and the confidence. I hold the fear of being alone, because people will end up leaving me. I found it hard to put trust in just anyone, because i don't think i can trust myself sometimes. I dare not look at a pretty girl when we had eye contact, because i do not know how i'll be looked at and i do not know where i stand. I lack my security in what i do now and in the fear of being judged.
A phony i am.
When i say it does not matter how people look at me. Somehow it does.
When i say there's nothing to worry about. Somehow there is.
When i say anything is achievable, somehow it might not be so.
The posts over these few days has been much depressing items, and the paragraphs are far away from the verses usually presented. It's a circle of thoughts, proceeding from one form to another. Its merely me, trying to seeking out my truth.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Me. People.
I come to recognize something.
Fear.
The fear of dealing with the unknown.
The fear of connecting with people.
The fear of facing failure.
Is it considered self defense?
That i draw myself away
to avoid people.
Holding my conversations
only on the surface,
i felt so shallow.
Maybe i find it hard
to just bare my heart
and speak out loud.
Or I'm afraid of hurt
that will come
if people know me too well.
I'm at a lost
when i deal with people
that i know not very well.
But right from the start
i never took the step
to know them well either.
It's a barrier within
that needs to be broken
by my sheer effort.
Fear.
The fear of dealing with the unknown.
The fear of connecting with people.
The fear of facing failure.
Is it considered self defense?
That i draw myself away
to avoid people.
Holding my conversations
only on the surface,
i felt so shallow.
Maybe i find it hard
to just bare my heart
and speak out loud.
Or I'm afraid of hurt
that will come
if people know me too well.
I'm at a lost
when i deal with people
that i know not very well.
But right from the start
i never took the step
to know them well either.
It's a barrier within
that needs to be broken
by my sheer effort.
Selfish
I admit it. I am.
Perhaps i'm writing this out of anger, which would bring me to tell you that once again i'm busting with emotions and thus, "I'm at my BEST, when I'm at my WORST". It always happen, that when I'm angry, thoughts flows better as if the blood flow to the brain during such situations have a deep impact on the way the brain functions conclude that increased blood flow does increase the generation of thoughts.
It always occur to me that i would not bother myself with things that does not affect me. Though it should be known that no one is safe from each other and all things have a chain effect on one another. It'll get to you somehow. You can run, but you can't hide. I'm serious about selectively bothering myself with different matters. There's only so much time and energy you can dedicate, so why should you be bothering with each and very matter that is occurring in the world around you. Time for myself, i think, is still important; it's in the priority list along with the people you care for.
I take the case of wedding and funerals which is supposedly important, or so i feel. It does and in fact very important, to the people who are the center of the attention. The bride/groom, the dead and of cos their family. And when we think about who should be present when such cases occurs, it makes sense to us. But for them, how much sense does it make? Are they suppose to feel important that they receive an invitation? Even if no one is coming, things still gotta go on. That's for sure. Unless you need them to do something for you. But sending their regards is to me, the only one thing they can truly do which brings a reason why they are there in the first place.
Other people's opinion does not come high into the list of priorities sometimes, unless they mean a level of significance to me. There's no meaning why i should be so concerned with what you think if it is not going to affect me, and I'm not trying to sway you to my side. I can have my own views, so should you. I don't think they have to be bothered with what i think as well. You are and should be, leading your life, not what others think or say you should. Taking some opinions once in a while but making it your own.
Talk about social responsibility, and we'll come to the point about everyone should be working together as one. But then i feel that, everyone should have a sense of their own, not necessary about together. There's always got to have people who come up, opposing certain things, creating diversity across all that we know. You don't have to do something for others, unless you really want to, then again, its you view that you are holding.
Looking at everything and at myself, i feel that i'm an individualist and i'm trying to run away from people. I avoid people sometimes, to avoid making that connection which i would end up thinking what would it actually mean.
I'm not just selfish or so i thought. I'm confused.
Perhaps i'm writing this out of anger, which would bring me to tell you that once again i'm busting with emotions and thus, "I'm at my BEST, when I'm at my WORST". It always happen, that when I'm angry, thoughts flows better as if the blood flow to the brain during such situations have a deep impact on the way the brain functions conclude that increased blood flow does increase the generation of thoughts.
It always occur to me that i would not bother myself with things that does not affect me. Though it should be known that no one is safe from each other and all things have a chain effect on one another. It'll get to you somehow. You can run, but you can't hide. I'm serious about selectively bothering myself with different matters. There's only so much time and energy you can dedicate, so why should you be bothering with each and very matter that is occurring in the world around you. Time for myself, i think, is still important; it's in the priority list along with the people you care for.
I take the case of wedding and funerals which is supposedly important, or so i feel. It does and in fact very important, to the people who are the center of the attention. The bride/groom, the dead and of cos their family. And when we think about who should be present when such cases occurs, it makes sense to us. But for them, how much sense does it make? Are they suppose to feel important that they receive an invitation? Even if no one is coming, things still gotta go on. That's for sure. Unless you need them to do something for you. But sending their regards is to me, the only one thing they can truly do which brings a reason why they are there in the first place.
Other people's opinion does not come high into the list of priorities sometimes, unless they mean a level of significance to me. There's no meaning why i should be so concerned with what you think if it is not going to affect me, and I'm not trying to sway you to my side. I can have my own views, so should you. I don't think they have to be bothered with what i think as well. You are and should be, leading your life, not what others think or say you should. Taking some opinions once in a while but making it your own.
Talk about social responsibility, and we'll come to the point about everyone should be working together as one. But then i feel that, everyone should have a sense of their own, not necessary about together. There's always got to have people who come up, opposing certain things, creating diversity across all that we know. You don't have to do something for others, unless you really want to, then again, its you view that you are holding.
Looking at everything and at myself, i feel that i'm an individualist and i'm trying to run away from people. I avoid people sometimes, to avoid making that connection which i would end up thinking what would it actually mean.
I'm not just selfish or so i thought. I'm confused.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Imagine
I'll say, let's imagine.
Just saw a mail from WAYN(Where are you now?), a social site to connect frequent travelers who are often around the world. I'm not a fan of social site, this i gotta admit but this little social site did give me some inspiration once in a while. And a little friendship which came about from an unexpected message.
And time to go on to the mail idea about what this 'inspiration' actually is for today. So they launch a 'WAYN Guru' program, something to do with getting interested people to be 'ambassadors' of their city. I think it sounds great, pretty fun idea in fact. So we'll see people who enjoys traveling, playing host to these visits from friends coming from foreign land. Not just an exchange of culture and idea, at least that's what i think.
So what if we do have a group of our own? A group of people who enjoy travels, backpacking, road-trip, what do we do with them? Rather, what can we do for them? More than ever, that's the key question.
Then i realize, i think the main jest of it lies in what do they do when they actually get together. I myself, is not a traveler, not that i don't like it, I'll account it towards the lack of a suitable time able and then the much temptation of staying down on my ground enjoying my time on games and hanging out with my usual circle of friends. I do look forward to a little adventure once in a while, and I'm serious about this statement i make.
Pretty short on ideas about how to keep this going, but i won't be going around searching for the solution yet. Cos time and time again I've been proved that things never appear for you when you are searching for it and appears only when you stop on it.
Thus comes another issue that bugs me for quite a while.
Film appreciation.
Cool term. Totally. Class. Undeniable.
So we do have regular movie screening and i do have doubts about conducting or creating something for film appreciation. As in how to gather them round, what to choose which would make sessions of film appreciation worthwhile coming.
Question again, 'If i something like that was to be organized, would i attend?'
Key point again. But where does the key lies this time?
Do i end up doing i wanna do or something for them? This does runs through my mind once in a while. But it just occur to me seconds ago that could be what they want be something i wanna do as well? Let's hope that's a life saving hope. And this should well enough justify for many many of the things that we are intending or going to do.
Not that i just want to conclude it here but the thread for my imagination runs thin, not a very creative person i am, my ink goes fading.
Just saw a mail from WAYN(Where are you now?), a social site to connect frequent travelers who are often around the world. I'm not a fan of social site, this i gotta admit but this little social site did give me some inspiration once in a while. And a little friendship which came about from an unexpected message.
And time to go on to the mail idea about what this 'inspiration' actually is for today. So they launch a 'WAYN Guru' program, something to do with getting interested people to be 'ambassadors' of their city. I think it sounds great, pretty fun idea in fact. So we'll see people who enjoys traveling, playing host to these visits from friends coming from foreign land. Not just an exchange of culture and idea, at least that's what i think.
So what if we do have a group of our own? A group of people who enjoy travels, backpacking, road-trip, what do we do with them? Rather, what can we do for them? More than ever, that's the key question.
Then i realize, i think the main jest of it lies in what do they do when they actually get together. I myself, is not a traveler, not that i don't like it, I'll account it towards the lack of a suitable time able and then the much temptation of staying down on my ground enjoying my time on games and hanging out with my usual circle of friends. I do look forward to a little adventure once in a while, and I'm serious about this statement i make.
Pretty short on ideas about how to keep this going, but i won't be going around searching for the solution yet. Cos time and time again I've been proved that things never appear for you when you are searching for it and appears only when you stop on it.
Thus comes another issue that bugs me for quite a while.
Film appreciation.
Cool term. Totally. Class. Undeniable.
So we do have regular movie screening and i do have doubts about conducting or creating something for film appreciation. As in how to gather them round, what to choose which would make sessions of film appreciation worthwhile coming.
Question again, 'If i something like that was to be organized, would i attend?'
Key point again. But where does the key lies this time?
Do i end up doing i wanna do or something for them? This does runs through my mind once in a while. But it just occur to me seconds ago that could be what they want be something i wanna do as well? Let's hope that's a life saving hope. And this should well enough justify for many many of the things that we are intending or going to do.
Not that i just want to conclude it here but the thread for my imagination runs thin, not a very creative person i am, my ink goes fading.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I write
I write because I'm happy
I write because I'm sad
I write because I'm stress
I write because I want to express
The words becomes a medium
for the thoughts that I grasp.
It brings me closer to people
and further from what I am less.
It becomes truth to my soul
and what I am made of.
I write because I'm sad
I write because I'm stress
I write because I want to express
The words becomes a medium
for the thoughts that I grasp.
It brings me closer to people
and further from what I am less.
It becomes truth to my soul
and what I am made of.
I felt like a cat. Meow
Looking for a shelter,
found myself under a table.
The wind still blows,
brushing pass my legs.
The light hidden from view,
shadows still in sight.
A haven found,
within walls of four.
Tilt my head right,
see bar of metal solid.
Cage it suddenly became
or so it felt to me.
found myself under a table.
The wind still blows,
brushing pass my legs.
The light hidden from view,
shadows still in sight.
A haven found,
within walls of four.
Tilt my head right,
see bar of metal solid.
Cage it suddenly became
or so it felt to me.
Tesion of Opposites or Irony vs 'the greener grass on the other side'
Not often that i'll be writing in paragraphs, even seldom that title so long comes along. So long that i forgot the title halfway even. Its a title that i was gonna work on quite sometime ago but felt hard to come up with any content and thus left untouched.
The main point being on how the grass would always seem greener on the other side. That you would more often than ever, wished you're doing task 2 when you are stuck on task 1. And when you finally get to be doing task 2, you wish so much you are doing task 1. I've been feeling so much of it nowadays that I can't help but phrase it into words to ease this 'stress' i'm having. A poem was coming up but seems like its overflowing into these following paragraphs that you are seeing here.
We don't call it regret or lament, a lot of it has once been discussed and brought up in previous post before. Neither is it about making the so-called right choice, which never existed in the first place.n Each moment is unique and only happens once and thus whatever choice made is the only one of its kind and with no comparison, how could there have been a better choice, this I wonder.
Then again, could it be that we are always looking at the happiness of others while being sad of what happiness of their which we can't own. And that derives to the part about which we would fail to notice about the sacrifice they probably have to made while we look at all our efforts we have placed in return for what we get and does not feel is of fair quality.
So much promises, not one fulfilled.
And this, poetry tries to flow in again, into the flow of my words. But today is once which i try to suppress it, against my usual principle in the freedom of expression. Poetry and verses of words might be full of grace and brings the flow of words in a beautiful manner but come again, such paragraphs and chucks of words might just be the key to the freedom of expression that is most suitable for the uprising and enthusiasm in pushing an idea or a thought across where the energy could be so strong that it feels unstoppable. And at the same time it signifies the ability of free flow, unrestricted string of thoughts.
Everywhere is choices, which we all have to make, for the best or just the better, i see no chance of for the the worst or just the bad. A chance at optimism perhaps, or is it a try too hard? Even in here, i see myself making a choice at how my words shall flow. Unknowingly we are making choices all the time, whether we see it or not or how these affect the way we are leading our lives and what changes it'll bring for us.
And in essence, i think that i have just came a full round to where i started right in this post. Only did the free flow string of thoughts come telling that whatever i am having is the best i would be having cos there's no time machine bringing me back to redo or erase anything i would do.
So what the hell is this for?
The main point being on how the grass would always seem greener on the other side. That you would more often than ever, wished you're doing task 2 when you are stuck on task 1. And when you finally get to be doing task 2, you wish so much you are doing task 1. I've been feeling so much of it nowadays that I can't help but phrase it into words to ease this 'stress' i'm having. A poem was coming up but seems like its overflowing into these following paragraphs that you are seeing here.
We don't call it regret or lament, a lot of it has once been discussed and brought up in previous post before. Neither is it about making the so-called right choice, which never existed in the first place.n Each moment is unique and only happens once and thus whatever choice made is the only one of its kind and with no comparison, how could there have been a better choice, this I wonder.
Then again, could it be that we are always looking at the happiness of others while being sad of what happiness of their which we can't own. And that derives to the part about which we would fail to notice about the sacrifice they probably have to made while we look at all our efforts we have placed in return for what we get and does not feel is of fair quality.
So much promises, not one fulfilled.
And this, poetry tries to flow in again, into the flow of my words. But today is once which i try to suppress it, against my usual principle in the freedom of expression. Poetry and verses of words might be full of grace and brings the flow of words in a beautiful manner but come again, such paragraphs and chucks of words might just be the key to the freedom of expression that is most suitable for the uprising and enthusiasm in pushing an idea or a thought across where the energy could be so strong that it feels unstoppable. And at the same time it signifies the ability of free flow, unrestricted string of thoughts.
Everywhere is choices, which we all have to make, for the best or just the better, i see no chance of for the the worst or just the bad. A chance at optimism perhaps, or is it a try too hard? Even in here, i see myself making a choice at how my words shall flow. Unknowingly we are making choices all the time, whether we see it or not or how these affect the way we are leading our lives and what changes it'll bring for us.
And in essence, i think that i have just came a full round to where i started right in this post. Only did the free flow string of thoughts come telling that whatever i am having is the best i would be having cos there's no time machine bringing me back to redo or erase anything i would do.
So what the hell is this for?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Cold Bug
I'm struck
not yet down
just bitten by the cold bug.
Voice going stranger
or rather deeper than usual
as my throat goes
slightly sore or hardened.
Seldom do I get sick
apparently this is the exception
occurring like that of a blue moon.
Maybe its the cold bug
that took away my cool of mind
before giving me another
causing me to go
into a temper
which i rarely did
and felt should have been left alone.
Not that I'm regretting
or lamenting,
a bit of whining perhaps.
But since the cold bug is here,
don't think I could find a way
to shrug it off me.
not yet down
just bitten by the cold bug.
Voice going stranger
or rather deeper than usual
as my throat goes
slightly sore or hardened.
Seldom do I get sick
apparently this is the exception
occurring like that of a blue moon.
Maybe its the cold bug
that took away my cool of mind
before giving me another
causing me to go
into a temper
which i rarely did
and felt should have been left alone.
Not that I'm regretting
or lamenting,
a bit of whining perhaps.
But since the cold bug is here,
don't think I could find a way
to shrug it off me.
A few strokes to One
Across me an empty seat.
Laid out on the table,
my phone and this notebook here.
Trumpets echoes in the background
with drumbeats in its company.
That's the music playing,
black speakers around us all.
Us in reference to me and the rest
who has taken a seat in this corner
identified by wooden flooring
and the signboard hanging above.
Half an hour here too early
but definitely deliberately
done to avoid the unnecessary
waiting that shall await us
should we be here a bit too late.
The conditioning system chills me
with a cooling breeze
and I think the cold
that has came running to me
for the week so far
would be glad to hitch such a ride
from this unsuspecting breeze.
It's getting noisy
though the people are few
guess its the people flooding
into this basement.
Wonder if its just me
or a coincidence
I'm beginning to see,
the seats around me are empty
and ticks my wondering.
I'm holding on to this seat
while waiting
for my friend's coming.
She's not late
just me who's early.
Laid out on the table,
my phone and this notebook here.
Trumpets echoes in the background
with drumbeats in its company.
That's the music playing,
black speakers around us all.
Us in reference to me and the rest
who has taken a seat in this corner
identified by wooden flooring
and the signboard hanging above.
Half an hour here too early
but definitely deliberately
done to avoid the unnecessary
waiting that shall await us
should we be here a bit too late.
The conditioning system chills me
with a cooling breeze
and I think the cold
that has came running to me
for the week so far
would be glad to hitch such a ride
from this unsuspecting breeze.
It's getting noisy
though the people are few
guess its the people flooding
into this basement.
Wonder if its just me
or a coincidence
I'm beginning to see,
the seats around me are empty
and ticks my wondering.
I'm holding on to this seat
while waiting
for my friend's coming.
She's not late
just me who's early.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Summer Lost
I think of days
that date back
more than a year ago.
The summer sunshine
shining through that window
basking my bed
in the heat of noon.
Up i glance
white clouds upon shades of blue
filled the sky
stretching further
as the intense heat went higher.
Another summer has come and gone
and I'm still on my way
searching for the next bend
on this winding highway.
It's hard to imagine
how did time fly just like this
and now wondering what is next.
Looking out of my window now,
hoping to see that parade square
that was once in a similar view
so is that summer sunshine
now replaced by constant rain
My organizer reaching the end of its pages
telling me its soon due to time
Have we passed through the line yet?
that date back
more than a year ago.
The summer sunshine
shining through that window
basking my bed
in the heat of noon.
Up i glance
white clouds upon shades of blue
filled the sky
stretching further
as the intense heat went higher.
Another summer has come and gone
and I'm still on my way
searching for the next bend
on this winding highway.
It's hard to imagine
how did time fly just like this
and now wondering what is next.
Looking out of my window now,
hoping to see that parade square
that was once in a similar view
so is that summer sunshine
now replaced by constant rain
My organizer reaching the end of its pages
telling me its soon due to time
Have we passed through the line yet?
Monday, September 1, 2008
Waking Thoughts
Waking up from a afternoon's nap
and that's brought by
what seemed to be
endless waiting.
In a corner
tucked away from the world.
The one thing that stood in-between
was clear serenity
and stillness of the air.
A bit dizzy
rather tipsy
but not yet soused.
My head is in a whirl
and I thought the world conjure.
I remembered the sky gloomy
but now it starts to rain,
not heavy at all,
just droplets fine and small.
Now on the journey back
everyone sound asleep as though
under a fairytale like spell
from stories we once read.
Tress around me
brushed away in blur of green
and the seconds tell me
I'm nearing where
I ought to be.
and that's brought by
what seemed to be
endless waiting.
In a corner
tucked away from the world.
The one thing that stood in-between
was clear serenity
and stillness of the air.
A bit dizzy
rather tipsy
but not yet soused.
My head is in a whirl
and I thought the world conjure.
I remembered the sky gloomy
but now it starts to rain,
not heavy at all,
just droplets fine and small.
Now on the journey back
everyone sound asleep as though
under a fairytale like spell
from stories we once read.
Tress around me
brushed away in blur of green
and the seconds tell me
I'm nearing where
I ought to be.
Writing Upon a Helmet as I Face September
the longer we live,
the more tired we get,
are we just tired of living?
A casual remark
from a random comment
sparking off today.
I sit here in a shed
among other whom together
have come quite a long way.
The wind whispers to my ear
suggesting the weather
is getting gloomy today.
Its all so familiar
like how we had our weekends
hiding inside comfort shelter.
We wait for lunch's due
and a break
like we always do.
It becomes apparent
what was on my head
became a table for my writing tool.
I saw leaves falling
yellow and brown
simplicity it carried ground bound.
Time for work again
and reluctantly I return
this paper to my pocket.
While I carry on
to long for the
much later break.
the more tired we get,
are we just tired of living?
A casual remark
from a random comment
sparking off today.
I sit here in a shed
among other whom together
have come quite a long way.
The wind whispers to my ear
suggesting the weather
is getting gloomy today.
Its all so familiar
like how we had our weekends
hiding inside comfort shelter.
We wait for lunch's due
and a break
like we always do.
It becomes apparent
what was on my head
became a table for my writing tool.
I saw leaves falling
yellow and brown
simplicity it carried ground bound.
Time for work again
and reluctantly I return
this paper to my pocket.
While I carry on
to long for the
much later break.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Early Morning Train Ride
Five more stops i count
and soon I'll be
bounded for another train
to the port for planes.
The air is unusually cold today
in the cabin where i stood
though i got to say
its long since my last train trip.
Half the people i see
drifted away to sleep
as they made themselves at ease
on the maroon colored seats.
Stops after stops
the train went about it's way,
its path being dictate
by the tracks laid ahead.
More people got down,
even fewer got in,
making the cabin
going less than empty.
When finally i managed
to find myself on that maroon,
the crowd i first encountered
has dwindled down to a few.
They're no longer taken by sleep
now awaken as they see
their destination away from them
only by mere matter of minutes.
Sunlight pierce through the glass panels
as we escape the tunnel
to see morning's glory
smiling right back at us.
A switch of train just before that escape
brought a new group before me
short of a few familiar faces
from the previous cabin.
Again i count the stations
looking forward to start my day
then again,
hasn't it started many stops ago?
Morning.
and soon I'll be
bounded for another train
to the port for planes.
The air is unusually cold today
in the cabin where i stood
though i got to say
its long since my last train trip.
Half the people i see
drifted away to sleep
as they made themselves at ease
on the maroon colored seats.
Stops after stops
the train went about it's way,
its path being dictate
by the tracks laid ahead.
More people got down,
even fewer got in,
making the cabin
going less than empty.
When finally i managed
to find myself on that maroon,
the crowd i first encountered
has dwindled down to a few.
They're no longer taken by sleep
now awaken as they see
their destination away from them
only by mere matter of minutes.
Sunlight pierce through the glass panels
as we escape the tunnel
to see morning's glory
smiling right back at us.
A switch of train just before that escape
brought a new group before me
short of a few familiar faces
from the previous cabin.
Again i count the stations
looking forward to start my day
then again,
hasn't it started many stops ago?
Morning.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Broken Peace
An alarm was set off
just around half past noon
where my lunch is still
down down my digestive tract
and vividly i could recall
it as a much hefty meal.
The compound was empty
save for a few of us
who has to spend the day here
envying at those are absent.
We ain't alone, accompanied by feelings
of restlessness we can't shake off.
It was a dismay to many,
when the silence drifting around
made for a run
as the siren went crying
on and on, on and on,
no stopping.
Discomforting it was
then a conclusion came.
We've lost the peaceful afternoon
we grew so familiar with.
A thought came asking
'Where are we having it back?'
We waited and waited,
pray it'll not be in vain
all till the siren went dead
perhaps tired out from crying
or someone has just
given it the boot.
just around half past noon
where my lunch is still
down down my digestive tract
and vividly i could recall
it as a much hefty meal.
The compound was empty
save for a few of us
who has to spend the day here
envying at those are absent.
We ain't alone, accompanied by feelings
of restlessness we can't shake off.
It was a dismay to many,
when the silence drifting around
made for a run
as the siren went crying
on and on, on and on,
no stopping.
Discomforting it was
then a conclusion came.
We've lost the peaceful afternoon
we grew so familiar with.
A thought came asking
'Where are we having it back?'
We waited and waited,
pray it'll not be in vain
all till the siren went dead
perhaps tired out from crying
or someone has just
given it the boot.
Santuary
Looking at rays of sunlight
pierce through the
faint misty air
upon the wide open green field
moist with morning dew.
Far out on the horizon
white flaky clouds gather
like a herd of cattle grazing
except that the colours changed
of blue and green, white and brown.
Serenity starts to set in
as the scene began coming to a still
less the humming of insects
and the flock of birds
flying across the sky.
It feels like it could last
forever, it it really existed.
then i look around
and realised i am
down here, alone.
pierce through the
faint misty air
upon the wide open green field
moist with morning dew.
Far out on the horizon
white flaky clouds gather
like a herd of cattle grazing
except that the colours changed
of blue and green, white and brown.
Serenity starts to set in
as the scene began coming to a still
less the humming of insects
and the flock of birds
flying across the sky.
It feels like it could last
forever, it it really existed.
then i look around
and realised i am
down here, alone.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Complicated
Once in a while,
I come back looking
at what I've wrote
and wonder.
Especially if
a friend came telling
that your words
are hard to fathom.
I could only feel
that what i pen down
are merely a reflection
of my other everyday life.
Then again i think,
could there be a message
trying to be discovered
by an unsuspecting reader.
Coming from where
i suppose
that it would be,
my subconscious mind.
A serious habit
that tends to stay,
complicating matters
even of the least complex.
Communication for understanding
but here i am,
trying to cause misunderstanding
by a cat and mouse game.
Are there words that
i wish to say
yet lacking courage
to speak it out loud?
Thus making me
turn to such alternative
and express the contents
that is in my mind.
I come back looking
at what I've wrote
and wonder.
Especially if
a friend came telling
that your words
are hard to fathom.
I could only feel
that what i pen down
are merely a reflection
of my other everyday life.
Then again i think,
could there be a message
trying to be discovered
by an unsuspecting reader.
Coming from where
i suppose
that it would be,
my subconscious mind.
A serious habit
that tends to stay,
complicating matters
even of the least complex.
Communication for understanding
but here i am,
trying to cause misunderstanding
by a cat and mouse game.
Are there words that
i wish to say
yet lacking courage
to speak it out loud?
Thus making me
turn to such alternative
and express the contents
that is in my mind.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Orchestra on a rainy day
Droplets of water that came
hitting down on that concrete ground.
Gust of wind blowing
echoing as they went along.
The leaves rustle in response
while the tress could only nod
in an uniform agreement.
The sky's a shade of mixed gray,
the blue quietly concealed away.
Of a sudden,
a symphony presents itself
becoming like an orchestra
as they all hum a single tune.
With thunder booming every few moments.
High and then low
and then higher than once before.
Rising to its climax
with everything sounding louder still.
The thunder carefully fades away
as the performance comes to an end.
And applause came in the manner
as people came out of their shelters
into puddles-filled land.
hitting down on that concrete ground.
Gust of wind blowing
echoing as they went along.
The leaves rustle in response
while the tress could only nod
in an uniform agreement.
The sky's a shade of mixed gray,
the blue quietly concealed away.
Of a sudden,
a symphony presents itself
becoming like an orchestra
as they all hum a single tune.
With thunder booming every few moments.
High and then low
and then higher than once before.
Rising to its climax
with everything sounding louder still.
The thunder carefully fades away
as the performance comes to an end.
And applause came in the manner
as people came out of their shelters
into puddles-filled land.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Indulge
Indulge yourself once in a while.
Have a treat or a two,
praising yourself
but in no way of a fool.
Enjoy that short laughter
or let that hint of a smile
show itself fully
without holding back at all.
Drawing that joy
from every step
and breathe you take
while life keeps ticking.
Indulge,
in not about enjoying pleasure,
but simply taking pleasure in enjoying,
each and everything.
Have a treat or a two,
praising yourself
but in no way of a fool.
Enjoy that short laughter
or let that hint of a smile
show itself fully
without holding back at all.
Drawing that joy
from every step
and breathe you take
while life keeps ticking.
Indulge,
in not about enjoying pleasure,
but simply taking pleasure in enjoying,
each and everything.
Expressing Myself
You can't seem to ignore
however hard you attempt.
Could bluff yourself thinking
that's just the way it is.
But deep down inside knowing
facades never last for long.
Went into some willful wishing
for things to go your way.
Be it what you try to uphold,
values upon your shoulders.
Resolution unwilling to let it into
the list of next year's.
Another mistake you try to fix.
A person so hard to get to.
It all still feels,
so distant away.
Somehow much akin to,
repairing a roof top
while hailstones rain around.
I'll like to break that distant,
get close to express myself,
be it to reality or simply just me.
Possibly another one who could see
where I'm really standing.
Where am I?
Lost in jumbled thoughts,
or is it just
a somewhat fantasy of my own?
however hard you attempt.
Could bluff yourself thinking
that's just the way it is.
But deep down inside knowing
facades never last for long.
Went into some willful wishing
for things to go your way.
Be it what you try to uphold,
values upon your shoulders.
Resolution unwilling to let it into
the list of next year's.
Another mistake you try to fix.
A person so hard to get to.
It all still feels,
so distant away.
Somehow much akin to,
repairing a roof top
while hailstones rain around.
I'll like to break that distant,
get close to express myself,
be it to reality or simply just me.
Possibly another one who could see
where I'm really standing.
Where am I?
Lost in jumbled thoughts,
or is it just
a somewhat fantasy of my own?
Change, unchanged
Some things change.
Some things never change.
Even when time has pass,
certain scars still remain,
reminding you of what once happened,
so long a time ago.
Even so,
it does not even need to cast a reminder
as you try so hard to forget
but to no avail.
Some things never change.
Even when time has pass,
certain scars still remain,
reminding you of what once happened,
so long a time ago.
Even so,
it does not even need to cast a reminder
as you try so hard to forget
but to no avail.
Friday, July 25, 2008
the Day the Rain Came
Rain came the whole day,
bringing about a look of gloom
that stretched thru the sky,
hiding the sun to a place far away.
Droplets falling all around
as the wind was blowing gently
cold like how it was
in a song i came to know.
Only when the day,
began to give way to night
then did the rain,
decide to go away too.
The boys came out to play,
a soccer ball in their midst,
ants went scurrying,
forming a loosely black trail.
Heaving a sigh,
wishing i can take my bag,
reach for the door
and call it a day's end.
bringing about a look of gloom
that stretched thru the sky,
hiding the sun to a place far away.
Droplets falling all around
as the wind was blowing gently
cold like how it was
in a song i came to know.
Only when the day,
began to give way to night
then did the rain,
decide to go away too.
The boys came out to play,
a soccer ball in their midst,
ants went scurrying,
forming a loosely black trail.
Heaving a sigh,
wishing i can take my bag,
reach for the door
and call it a day's end.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Weight On My Shoulders
What does the world ask of you?
What do you ask of yourself?
But whose ruler do you judge your actions?
"Lost in a guide"
What do you ask of yourself?
But whose ruler do you judge your actions?
"Lost in a guide"
Monday, July 7, 2008
Flickering
Reminds me so much
of a story i wrote
a long time ago
that tells of a person
who in the struggle
against life itself
displaying a great deal
of spirit and perseverance.
Now it felt like
i've come to the point
where i became the character
i once wrote about
ironic in one sense
and no in another
after all who else can write better
about yourself than you that is.
I felt like a flame
trying so hard
to just keep on
burning, burning.
Losing the fire,
losing the steam,
i guess i'm just
cut short this time.
Am i seeking
for a piece of santuary
or salvation perhaps?
The answer lies within
and then i note
that it'll have to be found
before my last light
burns out.
of a story i wrote
a long time ago
that tells of a person
who in the struggle
against life itself
displaying a great deal
of spirit and perseverance.
Now it felt like
i've come to the point
where i became the character
i once wrote about
ironic in one sense
and no in another
after all who else can write better
about yourself than you that is.
I felt like a flame
trying so hard
to just keep on
burning, burning.
Losing the fire,
losing the steam,
i guess i'm just
cut short this time.
Am i seeking
for a piece of santuary
or salvation perhaps?
The answer lies within
and then i note
that it'll have to be found
before my last light
burns out.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
And the sun won't rise
Ever heard of the story,
that tells of a rooster
who thought the sun won't rise
if he does not crows to announce daybreak.
Somehow a similar feeling that I'm having,
that i am trying to be,
in a reagent like manner perhaps,
causing reactions of the many experiments.
Exhausted i became,
and went through my mind,
a thought.
Maybe I'm not great after all.
The sun continues rising,
and I get on with what I have,
making the best i can,
every single day.
that tells of a rooster
who thought the sun won't rise
if he does not crows to announce daybreak.
Somehow a similar feeling that I'm having,
that i am trying to be,
in a reagent like manner perhaps,
causing reactions of the many experiments.
Exhausted i became,
and went through my mind,
a thought.
Maybe I'm not great after all.
The sun continues rising,
and I get on with what I have,
making the best i can,
every single day.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sunday Afternoon, after the rain
The rain went away,
leaving puddles of water,
on the open ground.
Like fragments of a broken mirror,
reflecting the sky above,
and the white clouds floating pass,
like a herd grazing on that field of blue.
We do not see the wind,
but its there as we see,
the clouds moving fast.
The world stays lighted,
though the sun is not in sight
and now waking from its slender slumber.
leaving puddles of water,
on the open ground.
Like fragments of a broken mirror,
reflecting the sky above,
and the white clouds floating pass,
like a herd grazing on that field of blue.
We do not see the wind,
but its there as we see,
the clouds moving fast.
The world stays lighted,
though the sun is not in sight
and now waking from its slender slumber.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Simple Night
I feel at ease,
having the singlet on my body,
the wind blowing against me,
carrying the scent of the night.
The rounded moon in the distance,
shining brightly,
and despite our chase,
is always out of reach.
The shadows of the trees,
casted by the street light,
as though challenging each other,
both reaching for the heights.
The road that leads straights ahead,
empty with not a soul in sight,
on a second look do we see,
a perfect scene formed by the light.
The clouds coming floating passed,
trying to shield the world,
from the gentle moonshine,
hiding everyone in the night's embrace.
I am here,
at ease with all around,
good night.
having the singlet on my body,
the wind blowing against me,
carrying the scent of the night.
The rounded moon in the distance,
shining brightly,
and despite our chase,
is always out of reach.
The shadows of the trees,
casted by the street light,
as though challenging each other,
both reaching for the heights.
The road that leads straights ahead,
empty with not a soul in sight,
on a second look do we see,
a perfect scene formed by the light.
The clouds coming floating passed,
trying to shield the world,
from the gentle moonshine,
hiding everyone in the night's embrace.
I am here,
at ease with all around,
good night.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Life/Death
Often we would talk about facing death in life,
but sometimes its in death that we see glimpses of life...
Consider this like a summary or a walkthrough of the emotions and thoughts that has been with me for the past days.
Thoughts of disbelieve and denial was probably the first that struck,
feeling helpless as the whole story unfold right before your eyes,
knowing that control is impossible but a miracle is hoped for,
wishing that it was all a dream right from that phone call,
but somehow knowing that its a struggle to go through,
and its real, getting closer as the clock ticks.
Rationale has lost it way,
sanity searching for a path out.
To think that once i thought about a certain 'beauty in death',
now i'm facing the aftermath of its onslaught past.
A gathering long waited for,
a reunion long past its time,
at what expense did we pay to meet its due...
Tasting like regrets and lament alike,
what we attempt is like trying to heal a scar,
which rose from a blade of remorse that pierce our hearts,
was it a purely a reaction to ease the pain,
as we try to right a wrong...
Often in cases when death strucks,
it takes away more than just one life,
also the ones closest with that departed soul.
A gap left from the leaving which felt like,
the acts of a thief from the shadows,
beyond our grasp and even our world, perhaps.
Anyone will inevitably leave a part of themself,
with those who walk the journey of life with them.
but sometimes its in death that we see glimpses of life...
Consider this like a summary or a walkthrough of the emotions and thoughts that has been with me for the past days.
Thoughts of disbelieve and denial was probably the first that struck,
feeling helpless as the whole story unfold right before your eyes,
knowing that control is impossible but a miracle is hoped for,
wishing that it was all a dream right from that phone call,
but somehow knowing that its a struggle to go through,
and its real, getting closer as the clock ticks.
Rationale has lost it way,
sanity searching for a path out.
To think that once i thought about a certain 'beauty in death',
now i'm facing the aftermath of its onslaught past.
A gathering long waited for,
a reunion long past its time,
at what expense did we pay to meet its due...
Tasting like regrets and lament alike,
what we attempt is like trying to heal a scar,
which rose from a blade of remorse that pierce our hearts,
was it a purely a reaction to ease the pain,
as we try to right a wrong...
Often in cases when death strucks,
it takes away more than just one life,
also the ones closest with that departed soul.
A gap left from the leaving which felt like,
the acts of a thief from the shadows,
beyond our grasp and even our world, perhaps.
Anyone will inevitably leave a part of themself,
with those who walk the journey of life with them.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Forgetting.. forgetting..
It came one fine day,
where everything starts to feel so bleak.
Have we just forgot what is excitement,
or is it the senses dull by the many other additives,
that has come our way this far.
Have we just forgot what is meaning,
or is it the value slipping away,
from our hands and mind alike.
Have we just forgot who we are anymore,
or are we vanishing into oblivion,
waiting for someone to find us again?
Have we?
where everything starts to feel so bleak.
Have we just forgot what is excitement,
or is it the senses dull by the many other additives,
that has come our way this far.
Have we just forgot what is meaning,
or is it the value slipping away,
from our hands and mind alike.
Have we just forgot who we are anymore,
or are we vanishing into oblivion,
waiting for someone to find us again?
Have we?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
silence
Emptiness is never empty,
for silence lurks within.
The sound of thunder echoes through the room,
backed by the cold air lingering all around.
Silence then comes creeping in,
between interval rumbles of the sky above.
Recalls a time in an abandoned room,
with sealed windows and closed doors.
Silence then has filled the little enclosed world,
its strong presence consuming every sound made.
I once felt that silence was loud,
literally breathe taking even for a short instant.
But could it just be the reminiscence
of an internal struggle with silence.
Sometimes hiding behind all other sounds,
seeping in when it finds the chance to.
If only one would stop and really listen,
then would one know than it is all around.
for silence lurks within.
The sound of thunder echoes through the room,
backed by the cold air lingering all around.
Silence then comes creeping in,
between interval rumbles of the sky above.
Recalls a time in an abandoned room,
with sealed windows and closed doors.
Silence then has filled the little enclosed world,
its strong presence consuming every sound made.
I once felt that silence was loud,
literally breathe taking even for a short instant.
But could it just be the reminiscence
of an internal struggle with silence.
Sometimes hiding behind all other sounds,
seeping in when it finds the chance to.
If only one would stop and really listen,
then would one know than it is all around.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Just If?
What if the idea that we are in a simulated world was real?
Just like the matrix of some sort.
Seriously think about it...
I just had a most amazing yet scary dream recently. Dreams tells us a lot of things i feel so i'm taking this pretty seriously. In some sense, or whatever is left.
I dreamt that i was in a dream.
And in that dream i was trying to wake up from a dream.
Sounds nuts to have things like dream within a dream but it just happened, somehow.
In this dream scene, i was trying desperately to wake upself up,
i could feel myself feeling for my limbs, moving them and trying hard to open my eyes.
Nothing responded,
and then i heard voices,
something or someone knew i was getting awake
and they're trying to get me out of consciousness again.
A painful struggle but i finally managed to get control and force myself awake.
Then again,
this was just like what i experienced a while back,
where i managed to regain consciousness where in my sleep.
So what if...
we all 'woke up' one day to find that it was a dream all along?
Just like the matrix of some sort.
Seriously think about it...
I just had a most amazing yet scary dream recently. Dreams tells us a lot of things i feel so i'm taking this pretty seriously. In some sense, or whatever is left.
I dreamt that i was in a dream.
And in that dream i was trying to wake up from a dream.
Sounds nuts to have things like dream within a dream but it just happened, somehow.
In this dream scene, i was trying desperately to wake upself up,
i could feel myself feeling for my limbs, moving them and trying hard to open my eyes.
Nothing responded,
and then i heard voices,
something or someone knew i was getting awake
and they're trying to get me out of consciousness again.
A painful struggle but i finally managed to get control and force myself awake.
Then again,
this was just like what i experienced a while back,
where i managed to regain consciousness where in my sleep.
So what if...
we all 'woke up' one day to find that it was a dream all along?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Time Lost
For a moment i felt,
that time once again,
have been deemed wasted,
on play instead of work.
But to look at it again,
purely its not just play,
but a gathering of minds,
that i have just attended.
But who is anyone to speak,
of wasted time and lost hours,
where no man is a master
whom to judge upon the actions done.
that time once again,
have been deemed wasted,
on play instead of work.
But to look at it again,
purely its not just play,
but a gathering of minds,
that i have just attended.
But who is anyone to speak,
of wasted time and lost hours,
where no man is a master
whom to judge upon the actions done.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Everyone
There's no going,
there's no meaning,
if we aren't there together.
We took the path knowing,
we'll have one another,
through the journey.
Its not about the destination anymore,
wasn't in the first place either,
its the staying together that counts all along.
there's no meaning,
if we aren't there together.
We took the path knowing,
we'll have one another,
through the journey.
Its not about the destination anymore,
wasn't in the first place either,
its the staying together that counts all along.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tired
A day spent,
working away,
my body feels,
the call of fatigue,
inching into every part
of my limbs and joints,
slowly it creeps,
to that of my soul,
alas i can't help,
but to seek some rest.
Despite having all the possible enjoyments that can be found all around,
it seems that the cure to fatigue and exhaustion is nothing but a call for some rest,
perhaps somethings just have the solution lying in the simplest of stuffs.
All i crave now is my bed and time away,
from the conscious and the awake,
a chance for me to be 'out of my mind'
working away,
my body feels,
the call of fatigue,
inching into every part
of my limbs and joints,
slowly it creeps,
to that of my soul,
alas i can't help,
but to seek some rest.
Despite having all the possible enjoyments that can be found all around,
it seems that the cure to fatigue and exhaustion is nothing but a call for some rest,
perhaps somethings just have the solution lying in the simplest of stuffs.
All i crave now is my bed and time away,
from the conscious and the awake,
a chance for me to be 'out of my mind'
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Black Light Bulb
Ever seen one before?
Here's how it looks like:
To me,
the black light bulb,
represents a soul,
ever shining,
despite being overwhelmed,
by darkness all around,
bringing to the world,
a different kind of light,
illuminating up the world,
in a manner of its own.
SHINE!
Here's how it looks like:
To me,
the black light bulb,
represents a soul,
ever shining,
despite being overwhelmed,
by darkness all around,
bringing to the world,
a different kind of light,
illuminating up the world,
in a manner of its own.
SHINE!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wasting Life
If there was anyone, anywhere talking about wasting life away,
I'll show them an example:
ME
Living without giving your best is as good as wasting it away.
Haven you ever think how things could have turn out if for every single thing,
you would just put in that little bit more,
even if it was just another 1% of effort?
It could have turned out better.
No one can ensure that,
but it sure beats doing nothing.
Experiencing the moment fully,
embracing what comes your way,
truly living,
without your heart swaying.
Live.
I'll show them an example:
ME
Living without giving your best is as good as wasting it away.
Haven you ever think how things could have turn out if for every single thing,
you would just put in that little bit more,
even if it was just another 1% of effort?
It could have turned out better.
No one can ensure that,
but it sure beats doing nothing.
Experiencing the moment fully,
embracing what comes your way,
truly living,
without your heart swaying.
Live.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Human Kaleidoscope
What makes the world spectacular could lie in the endless possibility of perspective that different people can offer.
Every new point of view, every new combi shows the path to an entirely different way of thought. Just what you can see in a kaleidoscope, every rotation results in yet another newly discovered pattern.
However different people can be, its the real differences that draws people together.
Every new point of view, every new combi shows the path to an entirely different way of thought. Just what you can see in a kaleidoscope, every rotation results in yet another newly discovered pattern.
However different people can be, its the real differences that draws people together.
Monday, May 19, 2008
The Mechanism
This would sound selfish and inhuman.
But here goes:
Did natural disasters occur as part of nature's plan?
If humans were to be the greatest problem for earth,
being the one who tries to interfere with nature,
changes the environment to suit their needs,
and becomes the destructor and pollutants.
Is mother nature considering them to be the source of her stress?
And thus creating nature disasters that tries to eliminate or reduce the source as a self preserving mechanism?
Its not pure coincidence, or is it?
But here goes:
Did natural disasters occur as part of nature's plan?
If humans were to be the greatest problem for earth,
being the one who tries to interfere with nature,
changes the environment to suit their needs,
and becomes the destructor and pollutants.
Is mother nature considering them to be the source of her stress?
And thus creating nature disasters that tries to eliminate or reduce the source as a self preserving mechanism?
Its not pure coincidence, or is it?
Memory Gaps
I've felt like i'm losing memory,
leaving gaps in between where i no longer know what happens.
Like an empty entry where only the date is left.
If one day i forget about myself too,
would you help me remember me?
Imagine if this was like a beginning to a syndrome,
where you memories gets erased every 25years.
Would that be sad?
Or would it be nice,
if you had things you never want to remember.
leaving gaps in between where i no longer know what happens.
Like an empty entry where only the date is left.
If one day i forget about myself too,
would you help me remember me?
Imagine if this was like a beginning to a syndrome,
where you memories gets erased every 25years.
Would that be sad?
Or would it be nice,
if you had things you never want to remember.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Messengers
They came,
Carrying the messages of love,
Bringing the news of joy and
Sharing the fun all around
I'm touched not by angels,
but by the many messengers that crossed my life,
each with messages of love, joy and fun.
Hail!
Carrying the messages of love,
Bringing the news of joy and
Sharing the fun all around
I'm touched not by angels,
but by the many messengers that crossed my life,
each with messages of love, joy and fun.
Hail!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Mum's Cooking
Eating at home has now become some that takes place probably only twice a week, seems enough to make it look insignificant.
But while having my mum's cooking for lunch today, realize something:
i finished my lunch in an instant.
Its like 'Wow', who the heck actually bothers to get concerned with something like that?'
'Yeah, who would?'
'I did.'
i have never ever in camp or outside, finished my meal in such an instant. Was it the subconscious side of me grabbing that every single chance to enjoy this home-cooked meal? Possible.
After all, its cooking that has been tasted since young, nothing ever more familiar.
However simple the dishes, that is where it is closest to heart.
But while having my mum's cooking for lunch today, realize something:
i finished my lunch in an instant.
Its like 'Wow', who the heck actually bothers to get concerned with something like that?'
'Yeah, who would?'
'I did.'
i have never ever in camp or outside, finished my meal in such an instant. Was it the subconscious side of me grabbing that every single chance to enjoy this home-cooked meal? Possible.
After all, its cooking that has been tasted since young, nothing ever more familiar.
However simple the dishes, that is where it is closest to heart.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The Six Degrees of Separation
"Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one step away from each person he or she knows and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is an average of six "steps" away from each person on Earth."
This is going to be like the two sides to an arguement.
While technology have brought the world closer together, the theory of the six degrees have probably been proven right.
But have the distance between people shrunk as well?
Technology one hand could have provided easier way for people to get to one another in terms of ability to communicate without having to be present physically in a meeting place. But considering that more than 90% of human communication lies in non-verbal commnication, isn't technology bringing down communication between people to a less effective level?
This is going to be like the two sides to an arguement.
While technology have brought the world closer together, the theory of the six degrees have probably been proven right.
But have the distance between people shrunk as well?
Technology one hand could have provided easier way for people to get to one another in terms of ability to communicate without having to be present physically in a meeting place. But considering that more than 90% of human communication lies in non-verbal commnication, isn't technology bringing down communication between people to a less effective level?
The Parallel World
Here's something that i gotta say has slight influences from what i've been reading and stuffs along that line.
With natural calamitites happening around us in such recent times, it does occur to us that this world that we are living in right now is currently experiencing its deepest level of stress so far and that its releasing all of that stress in the manner of more-than-unnatural weather.
If let's say the world would throw out all its stress in a parallel world so it does not reach the actual one we are in to cause destruction. But seems like the stress that is being dealt out right now is probably too much for this parallel world to experience and its over flowing to where we are right now.
The path to self destruction, as once mentioned, is that where this orbit could be heading?
With natural calamitites happening around us in such recent times, it does occur to us that this world that we are living in right now is currently experiencing its deepest level of stress so far and that its releasing all of that stress in the manner of more-than-unnatural weather.
If let's say the world would throw out all its stress in a parallel world so it does not reach the actual one we are in to cause destruction. But seems like the stress that is being dealt out right now is probably too much for this parallel world to experience and its over flowing to where we are right now.
The path to self destruction, as once mentioned, is that where this orbit could be heading?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
restart
deleted all my previous post on testings and stuffs,
gonna start anew.
throwing in my thoughts, dreams, words,
i'm somewhat trying to make an archive of myself it seems.
what lies in the road ahead, we have to travel to find out.
gonna start anew.
throwing in my thoughts, dreams, words,
i'm somewhat trying to make an archive of myself it seems.
what lies in the road ahead, we have to travel to find out.
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