Philosophy

Along the way this far, referring to the past over one year in army, personal philosophy has been an important part of me, something that gets me going, stops me dropping and keeps me thinking.

When i just got enlisted, i believed that "Joy lies in enjoyment", that joy or happiness is for me to discover. Provided i can learn to enjoy it. Well, no one really enjoys being in the army anyway, so this became an attempt to do that.

It worked pretty well for me and i got past three months and then into command school. Things were pretty much different, the people, the environment and what you have to achieve. Achieve not in your own goals but rather about criteria to pass out. But this time my initial philosophy don't seem to be making so much sense anymore, so i went about looking for something new. I thought about "loving what you do vs doing what you love" as my next statement, which translates into the two manner to be happy. Its pretty much a sad fact that i can't choose what i am doing so practically i'm given only one option. If taking a closer look at things, both 'philosophy' so far talks about what to achieve but not about what drives you.

I went searching for a answer and it came to me after losing a few weekend mornings away in camp. As a physical test failure, i had to spend saturday mornings doing trainings, thus i started working very hard to get out of this situation. Then i realized that i started working so hard either because i was afraid of losing my weekend away or because i want to have the weekend morning as my own. I ended up sticking two statements on my cupboard. "Doing the work you love vs loving the work you do.", "Fear of loss or love for possession." Its a point to note that there is no better choice but rather what fits you better.

The next phrase i entered did not give much change but i believe that things still need moving on. Around that time i re-watched "Kingdom of Heaven" and the oath they took left a pretty deep impression on me. The portion about being a good man everyday. Consistent effort, its telling me. Back in my mind, i felt that consistency in effort only gets harder day by day. But still i told myself "Not to be a good man everyday, be a better man everyday"; always be seeking improvements.

When all that has pass me, the line of philosophy seems to have disappeared and now i'm down, feeling lost. And the cycle begins again to guide my way out. Its been an integral part of me that i have to admit displays very much of who i am, what i do, where i go and how to go on.